Smile of a Snake
by madmax160
Summary: Joint story! Lots of slash, lots of couplings, lots of angst. What Harry didn't see in the Pensieve. 3 Chapters UP
1. Default Chapter

Smile of a Snake By Darkangel Rose  
  
A/N: May contain spoilers for the 5th book . but nothing devastatingly important. It'll make more sense if you've at least gotten through the chapter 'Snape's Worst Memory'. You see, I read it and was puzzled . yes it was a horrible, traumatizing awful thing, Severus being humiliated and taunted by James, but it can't've been his worst memory considering all that he'd seen. But maybe Harry didn't see the whole memory, since Severus pulled him out while it was still going. So I wondered, what if there was more to it?  
  
WARNING: CONTAINS SLASH!!! Sirius/James, Snape/Lucius, Lucius/James, James/Lucius, Remus/Sirius (but not much), and some very vague hints towards Remus/Snape or Snape/Remus.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
His lungs were burning through from the inside, his thin legs flying as he ran. The blood pounded in his skull and his hands were clasped tightly over his ears but still they did not shield him from the echoes of their laughter. At last his destination was in reach, and Severus dashed through the opened door, collapsing into a high-backed oak chair in shaking relief. He exhaled deeply, tilting his head back and closing his eyes, allowing the light of the always-burning black candles around the Slytherin common room to flicker across his vision. His knees were tucked up tightly beneath him, his arms wrapped securely around his midriff to keep his from shattering into a thousand screaming pieces of sharp falling glass and pain. His heart pumped cold, venomous blood through him, intoxicated with hatred, anger, and humiliation.  
  
"Bad day?" drawled a smooth, low voice to his right. Serveus' head snapped back up, and his burning eyes took in the beauty that was Lucius. He was still 16, but he already had the charm and poise of a grown man. His impossibly silver-white blonde hair was held back in an impossibly neat satin black ribbon. His dark, full lips twisted into a smile that could be called sardonic, but Severus could see the worry flashing in his usually emotionless flat grey eyes. Severus closed weary eyes to the familiar sight of his companion's lithe, perfect physique. He nodded mutely, still gasping for breath slightly.  
  
Lucius stood and approached Serverus, perching himself gracefully upon the edge of the chair. Protective fire burned coldly in those shimmering gunmetal eyes, though the false smile still painted his face. "James?" he questioned, already guessing the answer.  
  
Severus swallowed, cursing the tear that slipped unbidden from beneath his eyelid and burned a track down his face. He nodded again, words becoming trapped in his constricted throat. He felt Lucius trace his fingertip across Severus' trembling bottom lip. He drew in a shuddering breath as Lucius' warm, comforting lips kissed away the crystalline tear.  
  
"You shouldn't let him get to you," Lucius advised silky as his hot breath tickled Severus' ear. The black-haired Slytherin wrapped grateful arms around Lucius' neck, pulling him closer into an embrace. Severus clung to Lucius as a leaf would cling to a branch during a storm.  
  
"H-h-he." Severus choked, breathing still ragged.  
  
"What did he do this time?" Lucius asked, fear and irritation bubbling within his chest. Severus didn't respond for a long time, sobbing silently into Lucius shoulder. Lucius tolerated this, fear beginning to seep into him.  
  
"What did he do to you?" Lucius asked with sharpness at the corners of his voice. Severus shook his head vehemently to try to free if of the fresh, raw memories. Lucius stood up, having had enough. He could no longer stand the sight of his friend and lover crying. He had to do something, even if it was James.  
  
"I'll take care of him," Lucius whispered promisingly into Severus' ear. Severus shook his head with more force.  
  
"You can't, Lucius! You'll be caught, or - "  
  
" -You think I care?" Lucius snapped, interrupting, "I can't stand this anymore, I have to end it. I don't care anymore."  
  
With that the pale blonde stormed out, leaving Severus alone with his thoughts. He had been with Lucius since his third year, Lucius' fourth, but he had never seen the young man s0 angry or so protective before. He felt the ice around his heart crack a little, feeling secure as long as Lucius was with him.  
  
He had to thank him. Severus realized how much Lucius did for him. He was the one who had taken Severus in after he ran from his father, he had introduced him to the Dark Arts, he had given him a reason to keep going. Severus knew he had to thank him for that, after he was done with James.  
  
And so the raven-haired youth followed the footsteps of his lover.  
  
~*~*~  
  
James and Sirius sat down under the shade again, after their prey had fled.  
  
"Bye!" Peter called back to James and Sirius, rushing off, "Have to go send an owl," None of them waved him goodbye, and an uncomfortable silence wrapped around them like a blanket. Remus' eyes peered over the edge of his book tentatively.  
  
"Y-you know, that was kind of harsh, guys," he whispered quietly.  
  
Siruis eyed Remus curiously, "What?" he asked dangerously.  
  
"I was just saying." Remus said, forcing his voice to be nonchalant, "It was a bit . over the top."  
  
Sirius shrugged, leaning himself against the tree, "Maybe it was. We got kind of caught up in the moment, I guess."  
  
James snorted tersely, tossing the Snitch irritably between his hands, "I don't think so."  
  
Siruis glanced over at James, and then looked hastily back at the grass. He folded his hands together, but they were shaking. "Anyway, James, what were you on about, asking Lily to go out with you?" he asked, question heavy with veiled meanings.  
  
"I have no idea what you're talking about." James said, deliberately looking at Remus and shaking his head 'no' to Sirius.  
  
Remus let out a short sigh, smiling sadly behind his book, "You know, you don't have to pretend I don't know. I'm not dumb, you know. We share a dorm. It's obvious."  
  
Sirius' mouth dropped open in astonishment, as did James'. Their love was supposed to be a big secret . they were going to tell Remus as soon as they graduated, "Since when?" Sirius queried, shocked.  
  
"Third year." he said simply, waving it off, "Don't look so shocked, it's not like you guys are quiet or anything. Peter may sleep like a log, but I wake up easily. How could I not know?"  
  
James' eyes widened a fraction more, "You've heard us . "  
  
"- Yes," Remus answered, grinning hollowly at their awkwardness, "You guys ignore me, I'm not here."  
  
None of them said anything for quite a long time. Then, blushing heavily, James answered, "Well, people have started to ask me whether or not, y'know ... Sirius and I were, y'know. and I didn't want to have to keep lying until one of them found out. So, I figured, if I flirted with her in front of everyone. they'd guess I wasn't with you." James finished, looking petulantly at Sirius, ".Forgive me?"  
  
"Of course." Sirius said, touching James' face lightly, "Of course." James felt a jolt of guilt within his stomach, remembering that he had plans for later that night with someone else entirely. He leaned up and kissed Sirius gently on the cheek, shame burning in his throat.  
  
Remus let out a long, heavy sigh, "Lovers." he commented sarcastically, shaking his head. His words were joking, but his eyes held an immense pain. James and Sirius both blushed this time, and James left mumbling something about having homework, which they both knew he didn't because of O.W.L.s.  
  
Remus held the book very securely in front of his face, though once again his eyes were not moving across the page. Instead, he brushed away a few unnoticed tears, his silent pain chaining him in an invisible glass cage.  
  
And Sirius did not even notice.  
  
~*~*~  
  
The door did not make a sound as it cracked open a little, flooding the semi-dark stone floor in front of Severus with a thin triangle of light. He could hear the angry voice from just down the hall, and he eagerly craned his neck to see what was going on.  
  
Lucius fists were twisting the neck of James' robes up, the slightly skinny black-haired Gryffindor raised off of the ground. He was slammed against the wall, flinching from the furious blaze within Lucius gaze.  
  
"How dare you." Lucius hissed, eyes narrowed to slits, "How dare you even touch him, you bastard." He pressed James against the wall harder, fists digging into the boy's chest.  
  
"Why are you so protective of little Snivellus, Lucius?" James gasped, pain lancing through him.  
  
Severus bristled at the familiar nickname, but did not move. Lucius eyes bored into James, "I thought I told you last night to bug off him." Lucius warned, voice virulent.  
  
"Yeah?" James asked rebelliously, voice raising a little, "Well I get the feeling that something's going on between the two of you, Lucius - is there?" he accused, voice trembling oddly. Severus' brow furrowed at the undercurrent of hurt in James' voice.  
  
Lucius cold laugh rang through the corridor, chilling Severus to the bone, "So that's why you're doing it." he said, as if understanding everything clearly, "You're being so cruel to him all of a sudden because you're afraid I'm cheating on you?" his deep voice rumbled with amusement.  
  
The words shot through Severus like an arrow, every fiber of his being shaking with denial. His vision clouded with red. James and Lucius?! How could he have not seen it? Of course, it made a cruel sort of sense to him ... he'd never understood why Lucius hadn't left him, even though he had the reputation of a flirt. It was because he was seeing James, also. Severus wondered bitterly how serious it was.  
  
"Well, yes!" James insisted, sounding slightly embarrassed.  
  
"And I though this was just supposed to be a fling." Lucius murmured seductively to James, grinning in a feral manner, "Just gratuitous sex, and nothing more."  
  
"It was." James admitted hollowly, and Severus could see him averting his eyes. Severus flinched a little at the thought of James holding his Lucius, at James and Lucius making love.  
  
"Oh, no." Lucius gasped coldly in mock-surprise, "You haven't fallen in love with me, have you Potter?" he asked cruelly, teeth glinting slightly in the sparse light.  
  
James didn't answer, holding back the tears that were threatening to fall. He leaned forward and kissed Lucius vicious mouth tentatively, eyes speaking of longing and rejection. Lucius pulled back, smiling triumphantly, "I was right." he proclaimed, before pulling James against him in a bruising kiss, his tongue running feverishly over James' lips as he held the boy close to him.  
  
Severus closed his eyes momentarily, a wave of nausea and betrayal flooding through him. He could not help but watch, entranced, and he didn't even notice the door on the other side of the intertwined lovers open.  
  
There was the sound of pounding footsteps falling to a sudden halt as the figure stopped running, skidding to a halt right in front of the two boys. The newcomer's eyes widened slowly, his hand coming up to cover his mouth in shock.  
  
James pulled away, just then noticing the tears going down his cheeks. He turned bleary eyes to the sound, and felt his heart falter.  
  
"Sirius?"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
It almost amused Severus, in a sick sort of way, wondering what was going through Sirius' head right then. Severus knew that Sirius was clearly in love with James - everyone knew, really. And now the idiot had gone and run in on his boyfriend kissing Lucius Malfoy.  
  
"James." Sirius said quietly, not comprehending what was happening in front of him. He saw Lucius holding James against a wall so fiercely the Slytherin's knuckles were whiter than snow. He saw James lip, bleeding slightly from the fierceness of the kiss, and he saw tears streaking down his lover's face. James' eyes were bleeding with sorrow and regret, and above all a lamentable helplessness.  
  
Lucius turned slowly towards Sirius, making a show of licking James' blood off of his lips. "Hello, Black." he purred, eyes deadly in the half-light.  
  
And then something snapped in Sirius' mind. Severus smiled cruelly as he practically saw the thoughts putting themselves together. The Gryffindor turned a dark red, shaking with fury. James wrenched himself from Lucius' grip and fled the scene, his tears falling soundlessly to ground.  
  
Sirius looked as though he were about to explode with anger, "You forced yourself upon him?" he asked, throat burning. Lucius smiled, not bothering to set the hot-headed boy straight. A smug satisfaction was racing through him, knowing that he had ruined James and Sirius' relationship. Now James loved *him*, and that was all that mattered.  
  
Sirius punched Lucius hard in the jaw, which took the pale man by surprise. He fell clumsily to the ground, a few droplets of blood splattering the stone. Sirius was upon him in an instant, hands wrapped tightly around the man's fragile, swan-like neck.  
  
"You touch him again, and I will kill you." Sirius swore, as Severus looked on with a sort of detached horror, "I swear, goddamn it, I will. You keep your hands off my boyfriend."  
  
Lucius tried to grin, and almost managed it, "You fucking idiot." he decided, "You're so fucking moronic, you blood-traitor." he spat. Sirius squeezed his hands together until Lucius could no longer breathe, and his vision swam with blotches of white. Severus clenched his hands together, torn between wanting to help Lucius and wanting to be the one choking him.  
  
Sirius drew away after another moment, disgust painted on his face. He left without another word, following after James. Lucius sat up after a few moments, rubbing his neck belatedly and cursing under his breath. Severus could not stand to look at him any longer, so he rushed off, feeling the grips of what had just happened clawing away at what was left of his soul from the inside.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Lucius had never felt such anger, not for a very long time. He had been interrupted by that foolish Black, and he felt sickened all of a sudden. Severus was devoted - a marionette that he could control in the palm of his hand. And James had been exquisite - the forbidden fruit, writhing so perfectly beneath him as the coppery blood tainted both of their tongues in the delicious sin. But he needed something more. He needed a cause, needed a direction. He needed for someone to tell him no, for someone to rule *him* for once. He wandered the corridors, becoming more and more lost with every step. The intensity of his need was palpable in the air, and in a moment of passion he opened a door before him that he had not noticed before, stepping inside into the cold, grey light.  
  
Lucius surveyed his surroundings in awe. Every part of the Room of Requirement was carved into cold steel, imprinted were patterns and symbols that he didn't quite understand, but he could feel the power radiating off of them, causing his skin to tingle. In was completely barren, except for a single, cloaked figure in the middle. The man was tall, and covered completely in a black sheet of satiny material. Lucius drew closer, heart pounding in unbidden anticipation.  
  
The mysterious man looked up a little, throwing his neck and chin and mouth into sharp relief in the cold light of the room. While the rest of his face was shadowed, his smile shone out brightly, burning into Lucius' brain. The man had sharp teeth, and he smiled like a snake, with red lips curling upon a porcelain face.  
  
"Lucius" the man said softly, voice oddly high-pitched, yet still intimidating, "You called."  
  
Lucius knew right then, somehow, he had found exactly what he had been looking for.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Severus' blood was racing. He didn't know what to do. Lucius had cheated on him - had betrayed him and hurt him so deeply he was afraid he was going to split in two. Severus felt himself collide with something, and backed away quickly. It took him a second to further realize that that something was warm and moving, and then he saw the perplexed-looking face of Remus Lupin before him.  
  
"Oh." Remus said quietly, walking around Severus.  
  
"What?!" Severus snapped, irritated, "Come to torment me some more, eh?" he accused, fists balling up  
  
Remus furrowed his brow a little, eyes unreadable, "No." he said plainly, walking away.  
  
"Wait!" Severus called, holding the young man back, "You shouldn't go that way." he advised, seeing that the werewolf was headed the way Sirius and James had gone.  
  
Remus stopped, "Whyever not?" he asked, voice placid and nonthreatening  
  
Severus smiled a little at the irony, "Lover's quarrel." he answered, releasing Remus rather viciously. The werewolf stared at him for a few moments, causing the Slytheirn to blush a little.  
  
"What?!" he asked finally, looking away from Remus' calmly searching gaze.  
  
"Nothing." Remus said quickly, "I just wanted - to apologize for James and Sirius' behaviour today."  
  
"Apology not accepted, thanks." Severus replied coldly.  
  
"I really mean it." Remus continued, voice never quavering.  
  
"I really mean it, too."  
  
"They don't mean any harm."  
  
"Well, they have a nice way of showing it. Look, why don't you go and be the little peacemaker over there, your two little best friends need it a lot more than me." Severus burst, pointing to the direction in which Sirius and James hand run off.  
  
"Listen - we didn't . they didn't mean it like that. They - er - I don't mind you so much." Remus blushed, but tried to hide it by hanging his head.  
  
Severus snorted, "Right."  
  
"Seriously, though, I - "  
  
"Look, I have to go settle something of my own, alright?" Severus asked quickly, dying to get out of the uncomfortable conversation.  
  
"Oh, sure." Remus answered, continuing on. As soon as he could no longer hear the werewolf's footsteps, Severus rushed off for the second time that day to the safety of the common room.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Severus!"  
  
Severus looked up through the veil of tears, seeing Lucius' blurred form come into sight. "What?"  
  
"Are you crying again?" Lucius asked scornfully, but then he waved it away before Severus had a chance to reply, "Listen, I found something - you have to see!" Severus peered up through the curtain of his eyelashes, seeing Lucius face flushed with excitement, and his usually calm eyes dancing in amazement.  
  
"Alright" Severus relented, allowing himself to be dragged along through corridor after corridor. Eventually, they came to a strong-looking silver door Severus had never seen before. Lucius led him inside, glowing in pride.  
  
Inside was the grey runic room, and the dark figure. Severus gazed in awe, seeing the glint of flat crimson eyes from the shadows of the man's face. The mysterious man held out a long, pale, spider-like hand for Severus to shake. He shuddered, glimpsing the cold grin of the stranger - identical to the smile of a serpent.  
  
Severus glanced from the figure, to Lucius and back. He hesitated for a second as words flashed across his brain.  
  
'Listen - we didn't . they didn't mean it like that. They - er - I don't mind you so much.'  
  
But then, it couldn't be true. Remus was just another liar, another person waiting to become close to him to find another way to stab his heart. He shook hands with the devil, the touch of Voldemort's cold skin lancing through him with a painfully finality.  
  
"Welcome, Severus" Lord Voldemort said, and his grin was like a snake's.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
So, how did you like it? If it's total crap, tell me and I'll rewrite the whole thing. Do you think the ending is alright, or should I do a PART II sort of thing? *^^* Please let me know, and once again thank you thank you THANK YOU!!! 


	2. Lovers Quarrel

Peter Pettigrew couldn't find anyone.  
  
He had searched everywhere, but finally got fed up with it and got sidetracked. He snuck into the kitchens and snagged some chocolate fudge (one piece for each of his friends and two for himself) from the unsuspecting house elves and slinked back to the common room where he ate contentedly. He was enthusiastically proud of himself for doing it all by himself and not getting caught. This was something he had to tell the guys as soon as he found them.  
  
Disputing with himself on whether or not he should eat James' piece and whether James would find out, Remus walked in. He set down the fudge rather quickly.  
  
"Oy, Moony! Where've you been? I was looking everywhere for you. Want some fudge? I got it myself. Hey - what's wrong?" Peter's voice became quieter as he saw the tired look in his friend's eyes. Remus waved him away jadedly. Peter pouted sincerely, his eyebrows furrowing upwards with genuine concern.  
  
"What happened, Remus?"  
  
"Nothing happened."  
  
"You okay? Where are James and Sirius? They get in trouble?" Peter wiggled his fingers, rubbing them together nervously.  
  
"No. It's nothing, Pete. I just - I don't feel too well," Remus sighed.  
  
Peter didn't believe him. The air seemed heavy, and Peter felt as if he must have missed something when he had gone to send an owl. He hated it when he missed out on important things.  
  
"You can tell me."  
  
"Really, Wormtail, it's nothing worth talking about."  
  
Peter paused diffidently.  
  
"Is it 'that time of the month', Moony?" he said, half sarcastic.  
  
"I'm not having my period."  
  
Peter achieved something! A joke!  
  
"Look at the calendar, Pete. You know it's not."  
  
Remus was right, he did know, but he was still curious at Remus' unsettling silence.  
  
"...Want some chocolate?"  
  
Remus pursed his lips and for an instant seemed like he was going to refuse but after a long moment he took the fudge willingly.  
  
"Thanks, mate."  
  
"Oh, yeah, no problem."  
  
Remus ate the chocolate, but continued sitting quietly, as if he was somewhere other than the Gryffindor common room. Peter was wondering if he should say something, but Remus spoke first.  
  
"Pete...you ever...you ever feel something for someone you know you shouldn't, because feeling that way you know will cause problems with the people that really matter, but you can't shake it off?"  
  
Peter turned his head and gazed at Remus, trying to read his eyes.  
  
"Yes actually. I have felt that way before - why? Who?"  
  
"It's no one, it's just -"  
  
"Hypothetical."  
  
"...yeah."  
  
Peter shook his head, then replied, "Hypothetically, if someone were to eat their best friends' fudge because they didn't show up, would that person's other friend tattle on them?"  
  
"Just eat it, Pete," Remus said with a soft chuckle.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sirius couldn't understand it sometimes. James, that ass. He could be selfish sometimes, and other times selfless, and no matter what he was so damn endearing Sirius just couldn't blame him.  
  
But he had every right to.  
  
James had been kissing Lucius Malfoy, and although Sirius' initial impression was that it was forced, it turned out that was not the case. James had not been forced; he had been completely, utterly, and outright willing.  
  
They fought, as any normal couple would. James pleaded for forgiveness, and at first Sirius was being too bigheaded to excuse him but in the end they were making love again.  
  
Though, the entire time Sirius pictured Lucius Malfoy being the one James was scrumping and that totally ruined his enjoyment.  
  
And afterwards Sirius felt a stranger power at work. 


	3. 3

Smile of a Snake  
  
By Darkangel Rose  
  
A/N: This chapter is by me, as are all the odd chapters. The even ones are written by my good friend, Madmax. I hope this doesn't cause confusion with the shifting styles. The lyrics included are from Sarah McLachlan's 'You Do What You Have To Do' . THEY DON'T BELONG TO ME, PLEASE DON'T SUE!!!! Please enjoy, and leave a review if possible.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
The shiver tore through James' body unexpectedly, and he wheeled around, sensing a presence behind him. The worried look on his features melted away at the familiar face.  
  
'Hey, Remus...' he sighed, letting the tension in his muscles dissipate. He rumpled his hair out of habit, though it was still disheveled from his encounter with Sirius minutes ago. Remembering the nature of their meeting, James blushed furiously and buttoned up his shirt in much haste.  
  
'Oh, don't bother,' Remus murmured dismissively, 'You know, it's later than you think. Peter's getting rather irritating worrying about you, so I figured I'd best go find you.'  
  
'Oh - right.' James answered, slipping his shoes back on, 'Sorry, mate.' he apologized.  
  
'For what?' Remus inquired, quirking an eyebrow.  
  
'Dunno...' James replied, shrugging it off, 'Everything.'  
  
Remus shot a glance at his dark-haired friend, wondering briefly if James had ever guessed that he had unrequited affections for Sirius.  
  
'So ...er...what happened?'  
  
James eyed the werewolf curiously, 'How much do you know?' his voice was more resigned and exhausted than Remus had ever heard it.  
  
'Not much. Sev- uh ...someone... told me earlier you were quarreling with Sirius, but that's all.' Remus smiled indulgently, a hollow note of anguish tingeing his voice with grief, 'Guess they were wrong, from the looks of you.'  
  
The black-haired Gryffindor's brow furrowed at the peculiar shade of sorrow in his close friend's voice, 'actually, we did have a fight...' James decided that it would be best if he were the one to tell Remus about his infidelity. 'I - er - for the past few months - I've sort of been.'  
  
'...shagging Malfoy?' Remus guessed, completely out of the blue.  
  
James' hazel eyes widened to three times their normal size, 'How the hell did you - '  
  
'Psychic, I guess.'  
  
'Sirius told you?'  
  
'When he got back to the common room. Sorry, mate.' Remus remembered the shock he had felt when he saw Sirius returning, looking defeated and hopeless. And then the initial anger and sense of betrayal when he learned of James' exploits.  
  
'You probably hate me now.' James whispered, disrupting Remus' reverie.  
  
'Course not.' the teenaged werewolf responded, 'I just think...' he trailed off.  
  
'What?' James prompted expectantly, 'Remus, mate, go ahead, whatever it is I deserve it.'  
  
'Well...I just thought it was kind of pathetic of you really.' Remus confided, laughing mirthlessly, 'I mean, I know I would do anything to have someone love me as much as Sirius loves you. And come on James, he's your best friend. How can you not be the happiest person in the world just knowing someone as amazing...' Remus swallowed, voice shaky, '- someone as amazing as Sirius is so devoted to you?'  
  
The silence twisted between them, laced with taciturn questions and immense longing.  
  
'You love him, don't you?' James asked in a strained, barely audible whisper.  
  
Remus nodded, a single crystalline tear sliding unsolicited down his youthful cheek. **This whole part is good, but I think maybe Remus should hesitate for a moment, you know. He's about to tell his best friend that he's in love with his OTHER best friend, which happens to be his first best friends boyfriend. So If he were to hesitate before he answered.** To James, he looked like the portrait of a tragic lover, who could never know completion or relief. Bitter shame unlike anything he had ever felt crept into James, a darkness eating away at his heart. He had used Sirius so thoughtlessly, and Remus had gone unnoticed, loving Sirius silently from outside the tangled web of lovers.  
  
'I'm sorry,' James repeated fervently, taking Remus' shaking hand into his own. Remus jerked away, but James swiftly grabbed his wrist and nuzzled his cheek against Remus' palm. Hot, salty tears overflowed from his hazel eyes onto Remus' skin, and the boy did not pull away again.  
  
'What now?' the honey-eyed werewolf asked in an awkward undertone.  
  
'I don't know,' James answered honestly, 'I just don't know anything anymore.'  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Severus glanced over to Lucius, a sick anticipation seemed to be mounting in the blonde boy, who was fidgeting as much as that damn Pettigrew usually did. **Heh.**  
  
'Are you sure about this?' Severus dared quietly. It had been days and they had not spoken of the surreal encounter they had had with Voldemort that fateful night. Severus was beginning to suspect that it had all been a figment of his imagination.  
  
'What do you mean, exactly?' Lucius retorted in a cold whisper. He had become extremely detached to the rest of the world since he shook hands with the Dark Lord, and Severus was worried for him. The black-haired Slytherin still did not understand how the Dark Lord would have appeared in the middle of their school without having Apparated or entered in some tangible way, but Lucius would tell him nothing.  
  
'This whole ... 'initiation' thing next Saturday. Do you even know how we are getting there?'  
  
'He will provide,' Lucius assured softly, sounding almost like a preacher talking about God when he spoke of Lord Voldemort.  
  
'Yes, but - '  
  
'Severus,' Lucius sighed impatiently and silenced the boy by kissing him firmly. Severus squirmed away, looking scandalized.  
  
'LUCIUS!' he hissed as loudly as he dared, 'For God's sake, we're in the Great Hall, do you think no one's going to *see* us?!' Severus' gaze darted around, paranoid that someone had noticed them.  
  
'Severus, you idiot, do you really think it matters what *they* think anymore?' Lucius sounded impatient as if he were explaining something very rudimentary.  
  
'Aren't you worried about what your little boyfriend's gonna think?' Severus accused, regretting his words the second they slipped from his lips.  
  
'What are you talking about?' Lucius growled, voice dropping to a deadly murmur. He sounded more alert than he had in days.  
  
'I know about you James, Lucius,' Severus informed, 'I have since Black caught you snogging like fucking ...'  
  
'Black told *you*?' Lucius interrupted suspiciously.  
  
'No, I was fucking there!'  
  
Lucius adjusted himself in his seat, eyes going distant again, 'So that's why you were crying when I met you in the common room,' he noted, 'Right before I took you to Him.'  
  
'Yeah, you noticed.' Severus finished venomously, simmering with barely suppressed fury.  
  
Lucius sat unmoved for many moments, until Severus tore his eyes away, 'Forget it.' he allowed, knowing that Lucius' mind had now returned to it's thoughts of their new 'Master'. Severus wanted to shake him; to hit him and hurt him and bring him back to reality. He wanted a fight, or at least a response, from the demonic angel he had once dared to think his own.  
  
'Midnight, Saturday.' Lucius reminded distantly, 'Don't forget'  
  
Severus couldn't bring himself to look at the statuesque beauty that was Lucius. Instead, he turned his eyes towards the Gryffindor table, where he saw Remus ruffling Peter's hair**comma** playful,**no comma** laughter in his eyes. James and Sirius were smiling, and Severus felt uncomfortable, an outsider intruding upon their happiness. He locked his gaze onto the floor, melancholy filtering into his very soul.  
  
'I won't.'  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
James had made no promises, Sirius knew this. They hadn't mentioned their fight, or the cause of it, since it had happened. Sirius had hoped if he didn't bring it up, the whole issue would just go away, even though he knew better. But he still felt shocked when James openly announced he was leaving to go to Lucius one night. Sirius found that words had left him completely. Peter was snoring softly, his babyish face rested on an open textbook. Remus looked up at the black-haired youth sharply, and James turned away. The silence seemed to last forever, unbroken except by the incongruous, cheerful crackling of the flames.  
  
'I'm breaking it off with him,' James' voice was dead with a pain none of them could fathom.  
  
'You don't have to.' Sirius whispered just as the boy had reached the portrait. Remus remained silent, though he felt James' gaze flicker over to him.  
  
'Yes, I do,' the boy persisted.  
  
'Do you love him?' Remus suddenly asked. Sirius' head snapped around, for he had forgotten Remus was even there. This fact was excruciatingly obvious to the werewolf, and James noticed the agony flare in his expressive russet eyes before being hidden by a steely wall of control.  
  
'I - yes,' James spluttered, 'I love Sirius.' **spluttered...did you mean sputtered?**  
  
'I meant Lucius,' Remus corrected, 'Do you love Lucius?'  
  
James' silence answered the question better than words ever could. After innumerable moments of tense, expectant stillness, Sirius stood carefully and disappeared up the stairs to the dorms. James slipped quietly away, and Remus was left to contemplate the perverse tranquility of solitude. Finally, Peter stirred beside him, looking around groggily.  
  
'Where'd everyone go?' he asked, rubbing sleep away from his wide eyes.  
  
'To bed...'  
  
'I had the most terrible dream,' Peter whispered, looking slightly disoriented, 'I was in a room with black walls and no doors or windows. And there was this little boy in a glass box ... and I swear he looked just like James. And he was crying for his daddy, and his face was covered in blood. And I reached out to touch him, but my hand wasn't - wasn't human . it was sort of a silver colour. When I reached out and touched the glass, he hid his face, like - like he was scared of me.'**WHOOHOO! I LOVE YOU! Great foreshadowing, and that Peter is scared of that happening..**  
  
Remus looked hard at his best friend, unable to interpret the bizarre vision, 'Er...'  
  
Peter looked away, something unreadable in his eyes, 'Never mind, Remus. I'm going to bed.' he spoke quickly, looking everywhere but his friend's confused face.  
  
'Night.' Remus called half-heartedly after the boy. He looked up through the window at the shining crescent moon, a bitter resigned hatred settling into him.  
  
'I hate the night.' he murmured to himself, collecting his books and trudging up to the noiseless dorm. He could tell by the sheer silence that neither Sirius nor Peter were asleep. For a second he entertained the thought of simply walking over, slipping his head inside the hangings of Sirius' bed and kissing him like he had dreamed of doing so many nights.  
  
But he knew it was just a hopeless fantasy.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Severus awoke with a start, eyes fever-wide and glistening. He had not made a sound, for the screams were inside him, tormenting his sanity until he thought he would snap.  
  
The laughter and shrieks that were inside him were not produced by his mind. They were different somehow - as though they entered his consciousness from an outside source. On image that remained particularly vivid showed Lucius and himself splayed across twin tabletops, strapped down by cold steel chains and covered in scars in the shape of snakes. They were both naked and sobbing - Severus in torture, and Lucius in joy. **I love this, because it shows Severus' want but fear of Voldie..and it's so S&M**  
  
And now he was overwhelmed by a feeling of dirtiness, and a disturbing, tainted sort of satisfaction. He slipped out of the dorm and then out of the common room as though he were a shadow, soundless and hidden by the darkness. His voice was raspy with barely contained fright as he whispered the password to the Prefect's bathroom - Lucius had told it to him ages ago, before this whole mess had started. He eased his way inside, slipping the door closed.  
  
And froze.  
  
Remus was perched at the side of the large tub, dipping his toes into the steaming water. He was naked and his pale skin shone ethereally in stark contrast to his damp, wavy auburn hair. There was something sinfully beautiful about the exact way his back arched and how innocently seductive he looked with one knee curled up against his chest while the other stretched out over the marble. The Gryffindor didn't appear to notice that someone else had entered the room, for he made no move to turn around, but Severus had the feeling that Remus knew.  
  
Then Severus heard a sweet, unearthly sound fill the space, and after a moment he realized that Remus was singing.  
  
'What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage? Created you a monster, broken by the rules of love  
  
And fate has led you through it, You do what you have to do And fate has led you through it, You do what you have to do  
  
But I have a sense to recognize That I don't know how to let you go  
  
Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul I'm ever swiftly moving Trying to escape this desire  
  
The yearning to be near you I do what I have to do The yearning to be near you I do what I have to do  
  
But I have a sense to recognize That I don't know how to let you go That I don't know how to let you go  
  
A glowing ember, burning hot and burning slow And deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing For only you  
  
I know I can't be with you I do what I have to do I know I can't be with you I do what I have to do  
  
But I have a sense to recognize That I don't know how to let you go Don't know how to let you go Don't know how - To let you go And I don't know how to let you go."  
  
Severus brought his hands up to his face and was surprised to find tears streaking down his cheeks, but he did not care. The feelings inside him -of mixed empathy, understanding, hatred, attraction, and something deeper - something that scared him more than any of the others.  
  
Love.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
**Wow...this chapter was so good, I reread it like four times, and can't find much else to correct. You wrote it very well, and I love it. I love how you interpret Severus, and the other Marauders. (I am also very happy that you are bringing my Peter up often..it makes me happy!!) All in all, no less than I would expect for you! Bravo!** 


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